Raging Fits of Happiness

The things that light my soul on fire.

It’s Been 10 Days: The Last 3 Have Lasted an Eternity

on December 25, 2014

Ten days that I have chosen health over self destruction. I have been smoking damiana in small amounts if I really want a cigarette too badly. It’s been getting a lot easier, especially after I took my two friends to the mall earlier. They hopped in the car and I was immediately hit with a right hook to my senses. The smell of smoke on their clothes was so offensive. It was one hell of a reminder of why I don’t want to smoke anymore. I can’t believe Matt put up with it. I guess he did say he got used to it, and I’ve been trying to steer clear of smoke this past week. Either that, or he just loves kissing me so much he put it out of his mind. Either one could be true. He’s glad I quit, none the less.

I miss him. He’s only been gone for two and half days, but it feels like a week. After spending every single day with someone you can’t get enough of, it gets really weird when they’re not around. I have been having a good time just texting and calling him to drink kava, but I want a Matt hug. I want warm snuggles in the comfortable bed, and kisses on my head. I only have to wait until Friday night around midnight. Then he can come home. 🙂

I started writing this earlier, and now it’s Christmas! I’ve been feeling festive. I bought Matt another awesome present, and some candy canes. I even wore heals today. I’m going to surprise my grandparents and wear my fancy clothes, these heals included, to dinner later. I don’t think they’ve seen me in stockings that weren’t fishnet since I was seven. I’ll touch up my nails and even do a bit of make up. They’re going to have a cow. I can’t wait to laugh about their reaction as I stuff my face with latkes. I bet they will also be excited to not smell cigarettes on me.

I have felt fluttery today. I’ve felt like writing but I haven’t zoned out and just written. I keep feeling like I want to draw or paint, or sing. Dear god, have I wanted to sing. I’m super stoked about not having that nasty phlegm in the back of my throat or in my chest. I’ve been singing a lot more this past week because of it. Anyways, I’ve just felt more colorful and whimsical. It might have to do with this being the most upbeat I’ve been whilst on my period, but I haven’t been able to sit down and write, aside from this right now, which might not doesn’t have the best form. I’m just kind of glad to get in my zone and pump out some sentences. I think it had a lot to do with the music. It’s been all over the place today. I need to download pandora on my iPad because 8tracks wasn’t working adequately, and neither was soundcloud, and we all know YouTube and its shenanigans.

Time to go craft some stuff before I head home, straighten up, and sleep. I can’t wait to let that CBD oil hit my tongue. My body hurts. I wish my cramps hurt more than my shoulders. They are killing me. D;

Goodnight, everyone. I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas, even if you don’t celebrate. Much love. ❤


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